Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
