Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
