You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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