Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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