I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
