if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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