New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
