Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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