at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
