Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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