The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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