Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
