It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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