ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
