so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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