Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
this will be a night to untag.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
