they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
