There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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