Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
True strength comes from lack of pants
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
