yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
