I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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