Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
