i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
