No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
