she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
