Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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