I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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