I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
