Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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