Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
