Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
