Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
