the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
