This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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