Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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