I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
