connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
her facebook's as public as her vagina
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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