rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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