New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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