there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
