And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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