When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
