I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
