You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
