so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
