I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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