Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
