If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
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