Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
