I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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