He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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