Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
