So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i think my tv is drunk
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
