So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
