My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
