i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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